Physical Marriage

I'm going to share with you an idea which is going to be controversial for some. But I believe it to be true. You may consider it, and hopefully take it seriously. 

Many people have a mistaken idea that marriage is a ceremony. That by going before a priest, or other official, having him say some words and then getting a document makes a man and woman husband and wife. The reality is that a ceremony is only a part of it. 

Sexual intercourse is marriage. The first time a man and woman join, they become one flesh, and they are married before God. No ceremony is needed for this part to take place. 

So in other words, this statement may seem strange, but they have entered into a marriage outside of wedlock. They have become married without covenants. The wedding ceremony is not where the joining of man and woman takes place. It is in the marriage which is the actual joining of the man and woman. 

I am in no way downplaying a wedding ceremony. I believe it is proper for the man and woman to first enter into covenants with each other before  joining. I think by doing so, the resulting marriage is stronger so long as both persons keep their vows. 

My real point is that in the world today, you have young men going around marrying young women, and women entering into those marriages, without any covenants. They then part their seperate ways and sleep with someone else, immediately committing adultery. They then act like some day they will settle down and get "married" without realizing that they already are. 

Again, I know this idea is controversial, but it is scripturally backed. This is why there is such emphasis in the scriptures on chastity and virtue. If a young girl is not a virgin, then she is already married.  Likewise for the man. If you sleep with someone who is already 'married, you are committing adultery. If you marry some who is already married, you are committing adultery and causing them to do so as well. Don't go around marrying people you don't intend to spend a lifetime with. Save yourself for for that person God intends you to spend your life with. Treat it seriously. 

Sins of the Fathers

We desire the best for our children. We often want them to have better than we had. We try to provide for them. We give them the best food, nice clothes, we shelter them, and we teach them. We want them to have the best possible life. 

The previous articles I hope open the minds of my readers to a new reality. If we want the best for our children and desire to give them the best possible opportunities, then this needs to include giving them the best parents. 

The principles of telegony and Lamarckism are both real, and they both mix. Our choices and actions affect our children and their choices and actions. I believe that all men are responsible before God for their own actions, I do not believe that we can use our ancestry or parents as an excuse to do evil. But I believe that we will carry part of the blame when our choices affect the lives of our children.  

If we have premarital sex, then our children pay part of that price. For a woman, her children carry the genetics of the first man she ever slept with. They will often have his traits. If those traits are bad, and she wouldn't like that, then why did she sleep with someone she did not intend to be the father of her children. For a man, it means that he is fathering children outside his apparent family, whether he likes it or not. So he should only sleep with a woman he would want to be the mother of his children. 

Learn to guard your thoughts and habits. They matter. Give your children the best. And if you've made mistakes, repent and try to do your best. Your positive efforts matter too. If you are faithful and determined, that trait can be passed on. Focus on creating good traits. If we strive to be righteous, it helps us create a better foundation for our children. 

Lamarckism

Another factor that plays into this is a theory known as Lamarckism. Basically Lamarckism puts forth this idea that characteristics and experiences gained during our lifetimes can be passed on to the next generation. The idea is also sometimes known as soft inheritance. 

This theory was originally abandoned because it did not seem to fit with modern genetics theory. But again, just like with telegony, the theory has proven to have its merrits. In recent years a new science know as epigenics has emerged. Basically epigenics deals with a study of DNA replication and why certain genetic sequences are copied and not others. 

The human body is incredibly complex, it has mechanisms to facilitate adaptations of all sorts. It can adapt to diseases, temperature changes, toxins, environmental stresses, dietary changes, etc.  As we go through our lives, the body possesses this seemingly impossible ability to partially rewrite itself. 

Among the things that are passed from one generation to the next is behavioral information. We have no idea how complex this behavioral data might be. In animals, a lot of behaviors deemed instinctual are inherited in this way. A prime example is dogs. In nature wolves have lots of behaviors that help them survive, and yet dogs, which are ultimately decended from wolves, lack these behaviors. Why?  Because man has selected dogs with behavioral traits that are more desirable for a domesticated animal. 

If a dog breeder desires offspring that are friendly, then a breeder will select the animals that have the right traits. What's interesting is that these traits may have not originally existed, but rather can be learned and then passed on. So when man tames an animal, the offspring of those animals become more tame. Each generation that passes reinforces this trait. The behavior is first learned, then passed on, and gets reinforced in the future generations. This is why some dogs point, others retrieve, others guard, others herd, and others attack. 

One Flesh Pt#3

Now you might be wondering, is there any scientific evidence of this phenomenon. 

The answer is yes.  Studies have been done in this area. One recent study involved fruit flies, and it was discovered that the first male that the females mated with had more effect on the offspring than any subsequent matings. You can read more on that study here. 

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/ele.12373/full

In earlier times, studies were conducted and documented showing this same phenomenon between horses and quaggas.  Other studies also crossed with zebras. Now one could argue that since these studies were done a long time ago and people weren't aware of DNA then perhaps the studies were flawed. Possibly, but those studies were peer reviewed in their day. So long as the scientific method was followed, then the evidences shown in those studies is still valid. 

Modern genetics theory does not explain this phenomenon. According to the DNA alone, this should not happen.  One of the prevailing theories is that DNA and other information is absorbed from the seminal fluid into the immature unfertilized eggs, where even though it doesn't fertilize them, the material is stored there until the egg is fertilized, at which point it becomes part of the genetic makeup. Other theories propose that material outside the DNA is responsible. 

Many naysayers state that there is no evidence of this phenomenon. However, a common thing in modern science is that often facts, observations, and evidence that do not support the prevailing theory are hidden or disregarded. These people want to believe that they can do whatever they want without consequence. This is why they have rejected God. So when evidence is brought out that show that their actions might have long lasting consequences, it makes them uncomfortable. They would rather ignore the possibility than to own up to their own sins. Admitting the possibility of telegony means admitting that a loose and immoral lifestyle can have damaging consequences, and that God was right all along.  

One Flesh Pt#2

Prior to modern genetics and DNA testing, a common belief shared by many cultures a belief that the offspring of a female of any species (humans included) is affected by the previous partners that female has been mated to, especially the first mate. This idea is known as telegony. According to the theory of telegony, when a male and female mate, the female somehow becomes permanently altered so that all future offspring have traits passed on from that male. 

The term comes from Ancient Greece, where Aristole observed that very often children appeared to inherit traits characteristics from the first man that the mother had sexual relations with. Because Aristole was probably the first author in that culture to use the term and document in a scientific manner his observations, this idea is often attributed to him. However, by keeping an open mind, one will see that this idea long pre-dates Aristotle, and was commonly know in other cultures too. 

In fact, while telegony is often attributed to the Greek culture, Hebrew culture also seemed to be familiar with the concept and its consequences since antiquity. The following  story predates the Law of Moses. 

"And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother’s wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.  And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.  And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also." Genesis 38:8-10

From this passage it is clearly laid out and taught that any children this man might have had by her would not be his children. 

Here is another case

"If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband’s brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband’s brother unto her.  And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel." Deuteronomy 25:5-6

This passage is based off the same principle. It would seem that a brother is specified here because he would be the closest genetic match to her first husband. He is to raise the children born by her unto her deceased husband, since they ARE his children. Notice the way this law is specified, that this is only to be done if her first husband did not bear any children. This law seems to prohibit that woman from marrying someone else who is not within that family. 

There are other examples found in the scriptures that support this concept. One example is the story of Ruth, which I encourage you to read. I believe that anyone seeking to do the will of God should take note. 

One Flesh Pt#1

The following articles are going to be a bit controversial for some people. But I think it is important, because now that I have discussed some aspects of marriage on the relationship level, let's now talk about some serious parts of the physical component. 

Most of us are familiar with the theory of genetics. In a nutshell, every living thing gets its blueprints from its two parents. The male and the female each provide a part of the genetic sequence, and the DNA is combined to for the genetic blueprint for the new embryo. So according to this theory, the DNA of the parents is what decides the physical traits, characteristics, and tendencies. 

The only problem with the theory of genetics is that very often it does not line up with the reality. To understand what I'm getting at, I will point my readers to another theory, one that is much older than the modern theory of genetics.  The object of this information is to reinforce this idea that the man and the woman physically become one in a very important sense. 

Strength Through Children

One of the first commandments God gave to man was to "...Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth..." Genesis 1:28. While this passage may seem very short and simple, it actually says quite a lot. 

To multiply means to have an increase. It means to have children. When a man woman becomes married, it is not simple addition. The man and the woman multiply.  This is one of purposes in marriage. 

What does it mean to be fruitful?  This symbolic term is used throughout the scriptures. All fruits are referred to as either good or bad, bitter or sweet. Simply having children does not fulfill this commandment. What kind do we bring forth?  Are we going to teach them to be good, and to praise God, or are we going to raise up more seed into Babylon?  

In our marriage, God needs to always come first. Even in the relationship between a man a woman, God must come first. And the man and must not place their children higher than God. Nor can they place their children between each other. If a man and woman put their children before their spouse, it weakens the relationship. Raise your children into God and teach them to obey the commandments. 

What does it mean to replenish the earth?  By teaching our children to do right and to set forth s good examples, they help make to earth a better place for all and in this way we do our part to replenish the earth. Teach them to be respectful and productive. Teach them to avoid wastefulness. Teach them to be conservative and resourceful. Don't teach them to be idle, don't teach them to seek for entertainment, don't teach them to try to get gain for themselves. Teach them to be wise stewards of all the Lord has given them. 

Marriage Is A Unity

Marriage is a union between man and woman. This union happens on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. 

In order to form a union of substance you need several things, one of the first of which is trust. If a man and a woman do not learn how to trust each other, then they will not be as united as they should be. 

Part of this trust comes from a knowledge that both participants have kept themselves pure. When people have had sexual relations outside a marriage covenant, it creates a rift that interferes with all future relationships. 

In Matthew 19:4-  Jesus says "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."  According to this scripture, when a man and woman join, they become one.  This is a natural part of marriage. They are to become united. 

Another part is how a husband and wife treat each other.  In order to be united, they need to love and respect each other. They need to serve one another. It is not a matter of the man being the head, nor should the woman take lead. Rather they need to learn to function together. 

In order to be united, the goals need to be common. It helps when the goals are centered on something strong. Some of the strongest things are the things really matter. Cars, money, clothes, jewelry, gadgets, etc. are not strong goals and are not worth breaking the bond between husband and wife. When people seek to serve God, they learn to set aside the things of the world. And they learn to serve one another. In serving God, the bond between man and woman grows stronger and the love becomes deeper. 

Arranged Marriages

I cannot continue in this area without bringing up the subject of arranged marriages. I will break arranged marriages down into two basic types. 

The first type of arranged marriage is the type that's commonly thought of in fairy tales and such. The type where the parents or leaders arrange the matter beforehand, often for political reasons, and the participants are not given much choice in the matter. 

The second type is where the parents or leaders arrange the matter, but do so in a way that allows the participants full disclosure and agency. That is, the boy and girl are given their say in the matter, and are free to decide whether to proceed. 

Belief it or not, the second option is the most common marriage system in the world outside the Western nations. And believe it or not, it has a much higher success rate than dating. Why is this the case?  Because in most situations, parents want what is best for their children. And since in most situations, parents have more experience than young boys and girls, they are more likely to select good prospects for their children. Older more experienced people will look for good candidates with good qualities. While it is true that they aren't the ones who have to live with the decision, they will probably want good sons and daughters in law. 

On this matter, the statistics speak for themselves. Divorce in such circumstances is substantially lower, less than 10%, which is a reflection of the happiness in those marriages.

As for the first type, I am adamantly opposed to such infringements on people's liberties. I believe that liberty and agency is far more important than convenience or politics. Such marriages do still take place. Often it is done in a manner that outwardly appears like the participants have a choice, but behind the scenes, serious pressure and persuasion takes place. Often religion is used as a tool, threatening people with their salvation. Tactics are used where people are taught that their leaders have legitimate authority to bind the marriage, and that if they don't comply, they will not make it to heaven. To me, this type of manipulation is pure wickedness. In my view, anyone who uses such priestcraft is acting as accessory to rape. Sorry for my strong language, but that's how I feel about it. 

Arranged marriages can be a good thing, but only if those involved are free to make their choices. God may sometimes work though this means. I as always encourage young people to establish a personal relationship with God, and know for yourselves what is true and right. Don't blindly trust a leader for that connection. Know for yourselves. 

Marriage By Revelation

The best way to get married, is to seek for God's help in the matter. All you who profess to be Christians, Jews, whatever, know this one thing. If you truly believe God to be real and to be real in your life, then you will come to know that he can and does help us when we let him. This goes beyond marriage, it extends into every aspect of our lives. 

Now I'm not going to define revelation here. How you communicate with your God is your business, and only you can answer whether you have open communication with Him. If you do not feel you have that strong of a relationship with Him, then work harder at it. He is just right there. He is listening. He wants to help us and answer our questions and give us comfort. It is not Him who needs to come to us, we need to learn how to listen. 

In my own life, I will testify to you that this is real. It is how I met and married my wife. We didn't date, and truth be told I think our courtship (if you want to call it that) lasted only a couple hours. And are we compatible and happy? With my own wisdom and understanding, I could not have made a better choice. I thank my Father every day for blessing me so beyond what I think I am worthy of. 

In comparison to God's plan, courtship and dating are torture. In my life, could I have waited to get married, and gotten to know my wife better beforehand?  Sure, but what's the point of doing so?  We both knew the Lord's will, and we both wanted to move forward. All a courtship would have done at that point would have been to detract from the experience, to allow negative influences to have crept into our lives and undone, to a degree, the Lord's work. 

My advise to you is to not be satisfied with the outward appearances, or with your own understanding, or with the pressures around you. Don't settle for the physical desires and lusts, they will sell you short. Turn to God and trust Him. He loves you more than you know. He wants you to be happy, and happiness is His specialty. If you want to get married right, trust the One who knows. And don't let others tell you that it isn't practical and isn't realistic. 

Courting

Courting is a more tradition approach than modern dating. According to YourDictionary.com 

The definition of courting is the process of trying to attract and woo a romantic partner to create a long-term relationship or to marry the partner.

This by its nature is far more direct than the common dating practiced in the world today. Because it is founded upon a commitment, the qualifications are stricter. In dating you need to know very little about a person before becoming romantically involved, a recipe for disaster. In courtship, because commitment is involved, those entering into it need to be confident of what they desire. Two people don't commit to each other unless they are confident beforehand that they might be compatible with one another. 

In dating physical attraction is often the starting point, and emotional attachments form prior to determining character qualities. In courtship, the qualifications of the partners has to be determined prior to starting the relationship. A guy has to determine what kind of girl he is getting involved with in order to court her, while with dating, sometimes he may know very little about her other than the fact that she is a girl. Likewise a girl needs to have some idea about the man before she will consent to a long term relationship. 

So how does one get to know something about the person prior to courting them?  The answer ought to be obvious. Through casual encounters. The participants need not form emotional connections in order to observe how each person treats others, conducts themselves, etc. Most of the qualifications can be passively observed. 

As far as the reasons or qualifications. That can vary, based upon what we want. We could choose a companion for many reasons: physical appearance, personality, wealth, social status, etc. In my opinion, the single most prominent reason should be approached by asking a question. Would I want that person to be the parent of my children. Does that person posses the character traits to be an effective parent?  Even if you do not plan on having children or children right away, this question should be considered, because the same traits that make a good parent also make a good spouse. 

I will leave this topic for your consideration, with the idea that dating and traditional courtship are not the only options. There is another even better method.

Dating

Since starting a relationship right is such an important step in our lives, and God forms such an important part of it, I thought I would lay out several ways in which a relationship can begin and some problems with how the world commonly goes about it. 

Let's begin with dating. According to YourDictionary.com dating is defined this way: 

Dating is defined as to be romantically involved with someone.

Now this ought to be obvious that this is not a good foundation to establish a relationship on. One cannot expect to make a rational and reasonable relationship when romance is the basis. 

The world teaches that in order to get married, one must date as many people as you wish, until you find someone you are compatible with. So let's rephrase that statement exactly what it means, just to clarify what the world basically teaches. 

In order to get married (which is one of the most solemn and sacred relationships mankind can have) you must become romantically involved with various people until you find that special someone. 

I'm sorry. A true romantic relationship is based upon the deepest trust and respect. How can you trust someone who has had romantic relationships with many other people. The advise of the world seems extremely counter-productive to me. This is a romantic relationship without commitment. It has no stated goals, since one or both participants might be seeking a romantic relationship without marriage as a goal. And that approach often leads to heartbreak. 

I think the results speak for themselves. Most relationships that begin with dating do not result in marriage. Most marriages that result from dating are not healthy and strong, well over half of them result in divorce. I would think for a system touted as being able to help you find someone you are compatible with, that's a pretty sad track record. Your chances of success with any particular date is between 12%-38%, and your chances of a successful marriage out of that is between 27%-40%. This means that on the high side of these estimates, only 40% of those seeking to get married by dating will succeed with any particular person, and only 40% of those will last. By my math, this means that dating only has a 16% success rate one the high estimate side.  If you took the more reisticvodds instead of optimistic estimates, you would find the results even worse. That doesn't even consider the number of people who are actually happy long term in their marriages.  I think you will have better odds if you tried to select a companion by flipping a coin. 

Let me end this article by sharing a secret with you. Dating is not the only way to go about looking for a companion. Especially when you include God in the picture, there are better approaches. 

The Foundation

If you want a good clean marriage and a safe and stable relationship, it needs to start right, and that means that you need to be open and honest right up front about the goals and intentions. A proper start should not involve flattery, flirting, kissing or other physical contact.

Be honest with yourself. If you are a man ask yourself what kind of woman do you want to be married to?  And are you the kind of man that that woman would want to be married to? Do you think a good girl is going to want to be married to a man who has a big lifted truck?  Do you think a good woman is going to want to be married to a man who only thinks about going out on his four wheeler on weekends?  Do you think a good woman wants to be married to a man who sits around and plays video games all day?  Or a man that stares at girls?  Or a man that dresses like a hipster?

If you are the girl ask yourself what kind of man do you want to be married to?  And are you the kind of woman that that man would want to be married to?  Do you think that man would want a girl who sits there and reads fashion magazines all day?  Or watches every new drama that comes on?  Or reads romance novels? Or a girl that stares at guys? Or that wears skimpy clothing?

Look for an individual that has the actual character traits and qualities that you are seeking. Especially ask for the Lords help in that process, because sometimes you may see something outwardly that isn't the truth?  And be the sort of person that God wants you to be and the rest will fall into place. 

In my view, and this is my opinion, a good man should want a woman of God. He should want a girl who has striven to keep herself clean from the stains of Babylon. This is going to be a girl who dresses modestly, listens to good music, chooses good friends, refrains from flirtatious behavior, and avoids gossip.  This is not the be all end all, I will share what I consider to be the most important factor at the end of this article. 

For a girl, she should desire a man who first seeks to serve God. He should dress clean and modest, refrain from cussing and swearing, know how to manage his time wisely, refrain from excessive entertainment, treats others with kindness and respect, and always seeks to do his best. 

Now for what I consider to be the most important part of all. I adamantly believe that if we want to form a lasting relationship, it must start with God. If we first seek to have a relationship with Him, and do His will, He will lead us to a companion who will help us learn, grow, and be happy. If we trust in Him, He will reveal to us, in His own way, the best blessing. If we try to find a companion without His help, using our own wisdom and understanding, even if we look for those good traits, we will not find the same end result. A person we may think is the right one, may often not be what they appear outwardly or they may not be what we actually need. 

In my own experience I have seen girls that appeared to be good clean girls outwardly, but inwardly they are selfish, unvirtuous, dishonest, or a host of other problems. If I had not let God lead me to my companion, I could have overlooked some serious problems, allowed myself to become blinded and infatuated, and could have found myself in an unhealthy situation.

 I put this out to all who will listen. It is our right, privlege, and responsibility to establish first a relationship with your Father in Heaven, then trust Him to help you find a soulmate. A relationship with God as the foundation is much stronger than one founded on anything else. That way no matter what struggles or challenges you may face, you will always have strength in the knowledge that God placed you in that situation and He can carry you through it. 

A Tale of Two Houses Pt#4

This story is meant to illustrate a few key things that I think pertain to the building of marriages in the building the relationships. In this story, both brothers were given the same resources and opportunities. In the end they had very different outcomes, even though their houses went through the same experiences. 

So what was the difference?  Starting with the foundations. If we go through life and learn a simple lesson that will help us get through rough experiences, it is this. That no matter how perfect we think a situation is, circumstances always change. 

If we build our structure on something that is not stable, it will compromise the whole structure. So likewise in a relationship, what foundation are we starting with?  Guys, do we select a girl because she has a pretty face?  Girls do we choose a guy because he has a muscular build?  What if the other person has money, or nice clothes, or a nice car?  When I state it this way, it makes the answer really obvious. 

So what if the other person has a great personality and is great to talk to?  Well, personalities change too. So that's a weak ground to build on too. 

So where do we start?  We need to start with our foundation. What are we grounded on? What is important to us?  What are we basing our faith on?  What are we basing our characters on?  See the strong foundation has to be built on sound principles. Something that doesn't waver or move with every wind.

Before we can start a lasting relationship with someone else, we need to build our own character. We need to have a character that is firmly planted on integrity, determination, kindness, steadfastness, honesty, love, faithfulness, chastity, virtue, cleanness and truth. If our own character is not stable, no relationship we enter into will be stable either.

Just like the story I just told, William built his house more focused and determined upon the structure of the house than he did on the outward facade. Benjamin was more focused on making a good outward impression. But just as beauty does not make a stronger house, outward appearances don't make a strong relationship. 

One simple fact that will always happen is that no matter how strong you build, storms will always come. They may not always be what you are expecting, but there will be storms that will try your relationship. How well we weather those storms depends a lot on how well we are prepared. It also depends a lot on how much we choose to let God be a part of this process, since if we will consult him and ask him, he knows all about the conditions we will face, and if we seek him first before we begin, he will help us. 

A Tale of Two Houses Pt#3

The years pass by and both houses are subjected to weather, changes of seasons, storms, and ground movement. Because William had made his foundations stronger, his house withstood these challenges. 

Benjamin's house began to show the strain. Soon he discovered the crack in the foundation, and the crack was growing. When the ground swelled with moisture in the rainy spring, it would lift up against the foundation, causing the crack to get wider and longer. In an effort to repair the damage, Benjamin fills the crack. However this only masks the problem. Soon when the snow melts, water begins to leak into the foundation and the concrete starts to deteriorate. 

One summer day, storm clouds begin to build. Rain starts to fall, and the winds start to blow. The storm grows into a once in a lifetime monster. Hail begins to fall and damages the flowers. Wind starts to tear off any unsecured roofing, and blows branches off the trees, even causing some trees to topple. The storm builds in intensity. 

William's house withstands natures worst. It only take minor damage. But Benjamin's house starts loosing shingles from the roof and the shutters start coming off. As the winds grow stronger, the house begins to shudder. It creaks and groans. Finally Benjamin's house can't take it anymore and parts of it begin to buckle and break. The walls collapse His house is in ruins. All of it's beautiful fascade and fine marble didn't do a thing to mend the underlying structural problems.

A Tale of Two Houses Pt#2

The two brothers went back to their homes and proceeded to frame them up. William decided that because of the potential for strong winds, he should use thicker lumber and add some extra strength to the shear walls. Because of the potential for heavy snow, he selected a steeper pitch for his roof, and selected stronger trusses to support it. Because of the potential for heavy rains, he took special efforts to grade the surrounding landscape to drain any water away from his house. 

Benjamin on the other hand, even though he was aware of these problems, took the attitude that the house would be sufficiently strong to withstand a windstorm, and that snow would probably not cause any problems. He took no special notice of drainage around the structure, figuring that any water would be minimal. 

Upon the completion of the framing, William's house was already in a very good state to withstand most encounters with nature and storms. Meanwhile, Benjamin had not noticed that his foundation had already started to crack, and his house had not even faced any real challenges yet. 

As construction proceeded, because William had constructed his exterior walls from thicker than required timber, it allowed him to use thicker insulation to better protection against hot and cold temperatures. Next he selected a simple yet attractive brick for the exterior, a good choice because it is durable against weather and doesn't fade or peel much with age. For much of the exterior of his home, he selected simple yet durable materials. When finished, his house looked nice, but not too fancy. 

Benjamin however decided that since he was able to save so much on his foundation and framing, had more to spend on the finish of his home. He choose very nice looking but expensive stone for the outside. He used expensive paints. He bought expensive doors and windows with shutters. He bought copper trim because it looked so nice. 

William was practical and conservative on the inside. Like on the outside, he used materials that while plain, were durable.  Benjamin on the used expensive stone for his countertops. It was attractive, but scratched easily. He spent large amounts of money on his bathrooms, using the finest marble. 

When both houses were completed, William's house looked plain in comparison to his brother Benjamin's. William's landscaping was more basic, the colors more subdued. Benjamin's house looked very handsome indeed, with its bronze door handles, copper rain gutters, expensive hardwoods, and elegant marble. 

But despite the outward elegance of the house Benjamin built, it has an underlying problem in its cracked foundation and marginal structure.

A Tale of Two Houses Pt#1

Once upon a time there were two brothers. For the sake of the story, let's give these brothers names. The first will be William and the second Benjamin.  Each brother had received their share of an inheritance and it was now time to leave the homes of their parents and seek to obtain property of their own. These brothers each purchased a lot of land, and had decided upon building a house.

Each brother set aside a portion of their inheritance for the construction of the house. William, the first brother decided that to begin he would need to know what kind of conditions the house needed to endure, so he contacted an engineer who was familiar with the area, and they drafted a plan. Benjamin on the other hand was eager to begin his project, so he drafted his own set of plans. 

Each of the brothers then began constructing the house by digging down to form the footings. When they dug down they discovered that the soil was clay.  So William, the first brother decided that his footing might need extra support and choose to dig a little deeper, and requested a load of gravel to place beneath his footing. Benjamin on the other hand decided that the ground was firm enough.  Besides, he would rather spend more of his budget elsewhere. 

Soon the time came to form the footings. William decided to pour his footings a little bit thicker, and to add some extra reinforcement. Benjamin on the other hand decided that his footing was already plenty strong. Besides, this concrete is expensive. In fact Benjamin even mixed a little bit of dirt into his concrete mix, so that he would not have to buy so much concrete. After all, he told himself, you can hardly even tell, it won't make any difference. 

Next the brothers began to form up their foundations. William ordered a special concrete mix that was stronger than regular concrete, and added extra rebar in areas that might need more strength, such as around the windows and doors. Benjamin however, still wanted to save his money for other parts of the building later. So he orders the regular concrete mix, and tries to cut corners wherever he can to save money. 

Soon the foundations had been completed

And the house was ready for the phase of construction. 

What is Adultery Pt#2

In order to propery address adultery, I find it impossible to proceed without the definitions of marriage, and the foundations of how marriages are formed. I knew before I began writing on this subject that it was going to branch into topics related to relationships, dating, courting, trust, intimacy, etc.  So if this at times seems to be drifting away from the topic of adultery, it's not, all these things are in fact related. 

How relationships are formed and entered into has a lot to do with our moral and ethical standards. These standards must align with the principles which God has laid out, principles founded in truth. Anything which is not founded in truth is a lie, and anything founded in a lie with not have the strength to stand. 

What Is Adultery Pt#1

In our world today there are various definitions of adultery depending upon different peoples world views. One of the most common worldviews that seems to be held is that adultery is cheating. That adultery is committed by those who are married when they do something outside of their marriage, with opposite sex. I don't think many would disagree with this definition, however I believe the scriptures make this issue plain, that adultery can be committed in numerous ways, all with the same basic effects. 

Adultery is a sin and it is among the hardest sins to repent of. Why is it so hard to repent of?  Because when we get a spirit of justification and pride involved which then causes us to commit that sin we tend to keep doing it. We tend to justify ourselves in doing it. We tend to tell ourselves that we are not committing that sin and deny that we have any wrongdoing. Once someone goes down a path where they know that they're doing wrong, but they justify themselves anyway they become numb to that still small voice. 

In my view in its simplest form adultery constitutes any form of sexual impurity. We will discuss these various forms and break them down so that we can have a better grasp on what it is and how to avoid committing it. 

Scriptural References on Murder

Firstly there is the Commandment

"Thou shalt not kill." Exodus 20:13

"Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man." Genesis 9:6

"But the word of the Lord came to me, saying, Thou hast shed blood abundantly, and hast made great wars: thou shalt not build an house unto my name, because thou hast shed much blood upon the earth in my sight." 1 Chronicles 22:8

"These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:  A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren." Proverbs 6:16-19

"But the law requireth the life of him who hath murdered; therefore there can be nothing which is short of an infinite atonement which will suffice for the sins of the world.  Therefore, it is expedient that there should be a great and last sacrifice, and then shall there be, or it is expedient there should be, a stop to the shedding of blood; then shall the law of Moses be fulfilled; yea, it shall be all fulfilled, every jot and tittle, and none shall have passed away." Alma 34:12-13

"Now the Nephites were taught to defend themselves against their enemies, even to the shedding of blood if it were necessary; yea, and they were also taught never to give an offense, yea, and never to raise the sword except it were against an enemy, except it were to preserve their lives.  And this was their faith, that by so doing God would prosper them in the land, or in other words, if they were faithful in keeping the commandments of God that he would prosper them in the land; yea, warn them to flee, or to prepare for war, according to their danger;" Alma 48:14-15

"And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.  And the Lord said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?  And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground." Genesis 4:8-10

"And it came to pass that I was constrained by the Spirit that I should kill Laban; but I said in my heart: Never at any time have I shed the blood of man. And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him.  And the Spirit said unto me again: Behold the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands. Yea, and I also knew that he had sought to take away mine own life; yea, and he would not hearken unto the commandments of the Lord; and he also had taken away our property.  And it came to pass that the Spirit said unto me again: Slay him, for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands;  Behold the Lord slayeth the wicked to bring forth his righteous purposes. It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief." 1 Nephi 4:10-13

And words of the Savior. 

"For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.  Not as Cain, who was of that wicked one, and slew his brother. And wherefore slew he him? Because his own works were evil, and his brother’s righteous.  Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.  We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.  Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him." 1 John 3:11-15

There are many other passages in the scriptures on the subject, but these will suffice for now. 

The Spirit of The Law

A common theme with the Ten Commandments that the savior tried to show people is that it goes beyond the outward practice. The law is given by God as a learning tool. In its outward form it sets minimum moral and ethical standards which need to be followed in order to be called God's people. But on a deeper level, the fulfilling of these laws will bring about a deep change within the heart and mind. 

Jesus states in the scriptures:

"For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.  Not as Cain, who was of that wicked one, and slew his brother. And wherefore slew he him? Because his own works were evil, and his brother’s righteous.  Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.  We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.  Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him." 1st John 3:11-15

By this passage the Lord makes it clear that even hating is just about as bad as murder. Why?  Because hatred kills us. When we dislike someone, is not the problem we have with them within us?  Even if that person robbed us, cheated us, or insulted us, we have no just cause to hate them. If anything we should pity their state and extend greater love towards them.

If we seek to reconcile with those that wrong us, it firstly changes us so that we don't do the natural and wicked thing, which is to retaliate. It increases our capacity to love. Secondly it increases our ability to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean that we ignore the weaknesses in others, but it does mean that we are learning how to stop letting others distract us from our own repentance. We cannot repent until we learn how to reconcile and forgive. Thirdly, the example we set forth has greater power to soften the heart of others, and make them more likely to repent.

If we want to make a real difference in our lives and the lives of others, we must stop assassinating.  We must strive to show the better example. Remember, the law was not given simply to keep people from killing each other, the real intent was to help us to overcome the natural man and put on the cloak of immortality.