Consequences of Abuse

When we abuse our loved ones one of the natural consequences is that we lose the ability to love. Whether physical or emotional, abuse destroys the abuser.

Those that are physically or verbally abusive tend to have layers of deep hurt. They are not strong. They feel that their weakness is a lack of value. And in order to validate themselves, they will try to use fear, intimidation, and shame to bring others to their level. They feel a lack of control, mostly over themselves, and so they desperately try to control others. 

What they have failed to learn is that love, honor, and respect are far more powerful tools to accomplish that goal. When we love our companions, we don't need to control them, we won't want to control them. When we love, we get love in return, and they will desire to strengthen and encourage and serve. 

This desire for control stems from fear. Mostly a fear of loss. A man who beats or insults his wife is afraid. He is afraid that if he doesn't control her, and make her fear him, that she will either control him, or that he will lose her. The truth is that if he has to use tools like fear, then he is already a slave to fear and is already out of control of his life. He cannot control himself and that scares him. Same if the roles are reversed. 

Fear is the opposite of faith. Those that seek control are doing so out of fear, and by reasoning, must not have sufficient faith. Fear is the opposite of love. Those that have fears need to learn how to love and be loved. They need to learn how to trust. If a man trusts his wife, he would never do anything to betray that trust. And he would seek to do anything to obtain and strengthen it. 

The cost of abuse is that the abuser will lose their own self respect and love, and will distance themselves from those that love them. The problem becomes self feeding. Unless those that are abusive correct the problem themselves, they will push others away, and that will tend to make them more hurt and lonely, and often more abusive. 

For those being abused, turn towards God, and show more love towards the abuser, don't retaliate. Retaliation just creates more hurt. For those that are abusing others, but want to change, turn to towards God. Help one another and stop trying to tear each other down. 

I highly recommend the movie "War Room".